They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
