Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i dont even know how to be here
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
