She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
