it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
