You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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