do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
