I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
