She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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