tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
