Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
