Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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