I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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