hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i permit you to call me
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
