How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Swine flu is the new snow day.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
