I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
