Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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