i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
