ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
