and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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