Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
