i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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