I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
