he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
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