Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you have to choose: penises or morals?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
