People with herpes should wear stickers.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
