he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
