Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
