i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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