We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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