I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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