I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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