I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
