Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
