Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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