is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
