I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
