Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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