FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
