Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
