the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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