i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I checked into jail on foursquare
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
