I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
