its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
