So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
