If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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