We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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