I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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