take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
