i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
