Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
