dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
