I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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