The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
