I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
